Hit the Books With These Sexy Librarians
“Do you think librarians fuck??”
That’s the aggressive, on-the-nose question posed on the back cover of VCA‘s Midnight Librarians. Such a rhetorical query doesn’t really need an answer, but in case there was any doubt, you need not look any further than any of the librarian-themed porn flicks we sell at AE. It’s National Library Week (and today is specifically National Library Workers Day), so we thought we’d take a look at the five all-time bestselling “sexy librarian” movies in the Adult Empire archives. It’s a wonder they have time to collect any overdue fees or reshelve any books. Here, the Dewey Decimal System starts and ends with 69.XXX.
Prolific director Jim Holliday helms this noir-ish detective mystery that does not seem to fully justify the title Midnight Librarians, since its connection to that theme is tangential at best. Holly Hollywood plays an L.A. private investigator tasked with finding a wayward librarian. Plenty of rimming, toe sucking, and lesbian action ensues! Numerous detours take us away from the main plot, but it does return to a library-themed scene in the movie’s second half. Evan Stone is masturbating on a library couch and is interrupted by Kristina Black, who decides helping him out is a better option than scolding him. Though probably a little too plot-heavy for modern porn audiences, it’s a fun throwback for fans of vintage VCA features.
In Cover to Cover, Jenna Jameson plays a shy, withdrawn librarian, but don’t let that make you think she dresses the part! As Adult Empire’s in-house reviewer Special K noted at the time, her sexy attire “isn’t an outfit I’ve ever seen on a librarian, but who would be stupid enough to cover up Jenna Jameson for even a second in frumpy gear? This is a porn for goodness sake!” Well said! Jameson’s character lives out her fantasies through books, which allows varied sex scenes such as a Civil War-era hookup, a 1950s “hot car” sex adventure, and more. (This is presumably the only porn movie where a copy of James M. McPherson’s Pulitzer Prize-winning Civil War book Battle Cry of Freedom plays a significant role. If Ken Burns had mentioned that in his famous Civil War documentary, we might have paid more attention in class.)
Sexy specs and fun British accents? Be still my beating heart! Fuck The Librarians sets up sex scenes in exactly the entertainingly corny manner you’d expect from a movie with a library theme. The opener finds Demetri XXX returning a book that is a whopping six years overdue. Paige Ashley informs him that the library has scuttled fines in favor of simply paddling people who bring back overdue books. He takes the spanking like a champ, but once his pants are off, things move in a predictably steamy direction. Other scenes find yet another illicit library masturbater getting busted plus all sorts of hardcore pounding in among the stacks.
According to data from the U.S. Census, a full 83% of librarians are female. We’re not sure whether that breakdown leads to an increased interest in lesbian experimentation, but that’s definitely where Lesbian Librarians puts its focus. Val Dodds is leafing through a copy of The Book of Mormon in the opening scene, but that soon gets tossed aside when Kimberly Kane sits down beside her. The highlight is definitely the closing scene, starring Cherie DeVille and Dillion Harper. Cherie’s lascivious gaze, combined with the longing way she chews on the end of her pen, creates an atmosphere of lustful anticipation as prepares to pounce on cute (but not so innocent) student Dillion. DeVille’s oral sex game is definitely on point here, but we’re not so sure she’d last very long as a librarian, given how prone she is to seducing nubile patrons!
It’s another round of book-oriented lesbian fun, but this time with a kinkier twist! The term “bibliophile” is taken to its literal extreme here. The introductory scene finds Elizabeth Thorn and Missy Minks roaming the “Sexuality” section of the stacks, thumbing through numerous volumes and finding sexual satisfaction in their smell and touch. Later, they unleash all their Sapphic desires in a bed covered in books (while bemoaning the fact that they couldn’t get busy in the bookstore itself). Books remain close by all the remaining scenes, which include action as varied as light BDSM, sex toy play, and more. For the true bibliophiles of the world, this is a must-watch!